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I don't fall in love because I am smart.

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I don't fall in love because I am smart.

So smart, I know how my relationship with a girl will be like before I even get there.

In fact, before I even talk to them.

There are guys out there who can just look at a girl and think, "she is the one who I will fight for for the rest of my life," and then they do it! I prefer to see women from a horizon, with my first thought being, "would she sign a prenup?"

What I do is logical reasoning. The worst case scenario that I already thought out in my mind is her saying, "no." And personally, I can accept an imaginary "no" more than one in real life. By avoiding the situation altogether, my life is not ruined. A wise man once said, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take," But that dumbass didn't take into consideration that if you don't take any shots, you never miss those shots. Also, it requires less energy, so I win. On the other hand, why get my hopes up with trying to make shots if I know that I don't play basketball? I would disappoint myself as well as my fanbase, and my mother would be extremely impatient. I guess we will never know, because I refuse to take that chance.

There are exceptions. If I do meet the one who I believe I won't miss, then I will return to the gene pool. The girl in question will go under extremely hypothetical scenarios, and by determining the outcome of the individual without knowing anything about them beforehand, there potentially, maybe, with some chance that I will make the first move. Up to this point, no girl I've seen has been successful, except Emma Watson*.

*Emma Watson, if you're reading this, I am merely an email away.

The next problem would be making the said "First Move."

Would I introduce myself and keep a passive attitude of the situation? No, she can easily consider me as a stranger, with the best outcome being her "friend."

What if I express how I actually feel and have her make the final decision?

haha moving text gif

(tear running down my face) But seriously...no.

I get stressed with this. I don't know how human beings have been able to survive this long with all this pressure set on idiots like me who have to be the facilitator of love making. It's a lot of responsibility, and I don't want that. I hide under my bed on Valentines Day.

Not only do I have to deal with the everyday problems of being a man, but now there is this new generation of "independent" women who now believe they have a say in the situation. That changes the game entirely! Having to deal with the pressure of having to find a girl for myself, I need to now acknowledge that there may be someone that I don't know who is trying to do the same thing to me? No way!

Let's take into consideration a random situation, like a party. Everyone is enjoying themselves, having a good time, and then a guy meets a girl. The guy starts talking with the girl, they both are enjoying the conversation. Apparently the girl plays soccer. That's cool. Oh wow, she's working for a biology major. This guy is impressed with her, and inside he is trying to work up the courage to ask her if she wants to go out for coffee or something. But as soon as this guy is working his way to getting to that question, she needs to go to the bathroom. So while she is walking down the hall, this guy is still going through in his head of what he is going to say, repeating it over and over again. Then another girl comes up to this guy. She enthusiastically introduces herself. This guy was hesitant to talk to her at first since the girl that he likes is taking a piss, but he goes on with talking to this new girl because he doesn't want to be seen as a douche. They start talking. She is undecided with what she is going to study, she really just wanted to come to college for the "experience". She is still talking, with the guy barely saying anything other than what his name was. This guy really doesn't care how this conversation is going to go. The guy sees the girl that he likes come out the bathroom, but before he can approach her, the girl he was talking to said,

"So, do you want to get coffee or something later?"

His plans are ruined that night.

That night he had coffee with the girl who talked too much.

What was he going to do? Say no? You have to respect someone who had the balls to ask someone out.

Published: October 25th, 2015

Diego Alvarado

Currently a freshman at Colgate University, Diego's dream is to become a professional writer. Check out his wordpress site, theweaklydaze.wordpress.com for more of his mostly comical articles.

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