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Sayings on The Internet

Inspirational quotes, brief witty jokes, redundant items

Sunday September 24th, 2023

Pockets flooded; y'all be dilute, watered down. I'm Big Mac. I'm Quarter Pound'. You chicken nugget.

Tyler, The Creator on "Okra" (with what would be a great line if chicken nuggets weren't goated)

Saturday September 23rd, 2023

The summer nights can even turn cold. In the streets of Philly, where niggas don't even get to turn old. My heart pumping 'til it turn gold. You niggas stuck in neutral; I'm riding like 'Fuck it; it's a long road.'

Meek Mill (on Knx.'s 'sameolemeek_')

Friday September 22nd, 2023

I should probably fucking transfer. Blue and brown JanSport. It's time to pull a transport. I never went to prom. Now I'm stuck on the dance floor, just holding your hand. just holding your hand

Kevin Abstract on "Empty"

Sunday September 17th, 2023

Sex in the city probably feels really really nice with hands placed on faces and twinkles in their eyes. Sex in the city probably looks really really great with a girl that's like a 10 and a guy that's about an 8. Sex in the city sounds like it takes place on stage while moaning in key while Marvin Gaye sings.

Hobo Johnson (describing one of the main reasons I miss living in Manhattan)

Monday September 11th, 2023

Make way; I'm in my Pepsi mood.

Superorganism (performing "Something For Your M.I.N.D.")

Sunday September 10th, 2023

"Ethan is giving bad advice"?! How the fuck am I giving bad advice, Gamooch?!

Ethan Klein wrapping up the H3 Podcast (Trying DIY Tiktok Bathroom Recipes - Off The Rails #82)

Thursday September 7th, 2023

Life, I'm coming for you!

Steve Wallis

Saturday September 2nd, 2023

Tell me we have it! Vamos.

Carlos Sainz (Scuderia Ferrari Formula 1 Driver upon getting pole position in Monza)

Tuesday August 29th, 2023

Promise Heron I'll put my fist up after I get my dick sucked. Quick buck. Maybe a gold chain.

Earl Sweatshirt looking burnt and spitting fire while describing the corrupting influence of balling on "Hive"

Monday August 28th, 2023

I understand I ain't perfect, I probably won't come around. This time I might put you down. Last time I ain't give a fuck; I still feel the same now. My feelings might go numb; you're dealing with cold thumb. I’m willing to give up a leg and arm to show empathy from.

Kendrick Lamar on "PRIDE."

Sunday August 27th, 2023

Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen (From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs!)

Karl Marx

Friday August 25th, 2023

No. I don't want that. I don't like that. Been around the world; I'm not impressed.

Action Bronson (on The Alchemist's "I Hate Everything")

Wednesday August 23rd, 2023

Were you ever lost? Was she ever found?

Victoria Legrand (of Beach House) on "Space Song"

Sunday August 20th, 2023

Run it. Run it. Run it. Run it. I rock. I roll. I bloom. I grow.

Tyler the Creator on "SEE YOU AGAIN" featuring Kali Uchis

Friday August 18th, 2023

I'm Andrew Pile and I support the death penalty.

Geoffrey James (from "Worst Episode Ever 4 - The Headgum Podcast - 165")

Thursday August 17th, 2023

I ain't rich yet, but you know I ain't broke ei'.

Post Malone on "White Iverson" (with my passive aggressive request for you all to click on more ads)

Wednesday August 16th, 2023

Right on; rice cooker.

Steve Wallis

Friday August 11th, 2023

I said 'Thank you, I designed it.'

Tierra Whack on "Hungry Hippo" with what I say when I show people my website

Thursday August 10th, 2023

Everything's coming up Steve! Aww I just stepped on my wine.

Steve Wallis

Tuesday August 8th, 2023

You take two strangers and put 'em in random predicaments. Give 'em a soul, so they can make their own choices and live with it. Twenty years later, them same strangers, you make 'em meet again inside recording studios where they reaping their benefits. Then you start reminding them about that chicken incident. Whoever thought the greatest rapper would be from coincidence? Because if Anthony killed Ducky, Top Dawg could be serving life while I grew up without a father and die in a gunfight.

Kendrick Lamar (on "Duckworth" sharing one of the wildest synchronicities and a great demonstration of the power of choosing compassion)

Monday August 7th, 2023

When the beating of your heart echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes. Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see? Then join in the fight that will give you the right to be free! Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men? It is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!

Les Miserables (Fuck fascists and the Republican Party - Vote, Organize, Love)

Saturday August 5th, 2023

Okay. Shoot your shot, young buck.

Miles Bonsignore (with the next phrase that will take over my vernacular)

Monday July 31st, 2023

And Wes is looking at me, while I'm recording this song. He's probably laughing right now, just while I break the 4th wall, saying "What's up" to you all - just kidding, I don't even care. I hope you turn this shit off and you just get yourself out there.

Nick Hartkop (of McCafferty) singing to Wes Easterly in "Trailer Trash"

Sunday July 30th, 2023

Playing with kids is improv except instead of your goal being funny, it's demonstrating being the most empathetic and happy person possible.

Saturday July 29th, 2023

I was like: Good gracious! Ass is bodacious.

Nelly (from "Hot in Herre")

Friday July 28th, 2023

Ahh - that moment of waking up. And saying: “Why am I in a roundabout?” Then I remember: Oh ya, the YouTube thing.

Steve Wallis

Thursday July 27th, 2023

I was acting, motherfucker.

Teyonah Parris (as Yo-Yo in They Cloned Tyrone, apparently breaking the 4th wall)

Wednesday July 26th, 2023

My place is usually tidier than this.

Jemaine Clement (from Flight of The Conchords) in "Most Beautiful Girl in The Room"

Monday July 24th, 2023

Can you pass the happiness, please? I need to top off my drink.

Nick Hartkop (from McCafferty singing "Trailer Trash")

Saturday July 22nd, 2023

Mmm ice cream so good. Meow yes popcorn

Pinkydoll on TikTok (showing that prosperity comes to those who embrace the algorithm)

Friday July 21st, 2023

That's okay 'cause YOU'VE GOT THIS

Bridge Stuart

Thursday July 20th, 2023

Don't call it impossible, if you really want that. They sent my ass to summer school; don't call it a come back. I just came to beat a bully's ass and get my lunch back.

Chance the Rapper (from "Prom Night")

Tuesday July 18th, 2023

As they turn your dream to shame. He slept a summer by my side. He filled my days with endless wonder. He took my childhood in his stride. But he was gone when Autumn came.

Anne Hathaway from Les Miserables (although other verses are way more poetic, this is the part that made me cry)

Monday July 17th, 2023

Every morning feels like yesterday. Put a smile on your sad face.

MonoNeon in "Invisible" (thanks for not being invisible - this song slaps; shout out to Kii Arens for making your visibility vibrant)

Saturday July 15th, 2023

I wish I were LeVar Burton.

Lance Reddick (as one of my favorite guests on The Eric Andre Show)

Friday July 14th, 2023

That really sucks, lady!

Lewis Abernathy (as Lewis Bodine, in Titanic)

Wednesday July 12th, 2023

I'm not sad; I'm devastated!

Amir Blumenfeld (from "Jake and Amir: 4th of July Scroll")

Tuesday July 11th, 2023

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in.

Natasha Bedingfield (from "Unwritten")

Monday July 10th, 2023

I'm like Willy Wonka, baby. Chomp Chomp, Bitch!

Amir Blumenfeld (reciting Willy Wonka's iconic catchphrase in "Jake and Amir: Trick or Treat")

Saturday July 8th, 2023

Look up at the star

Friday July 7th, 2023

I'm fat and nobody likes me.

Patrick of Chair (from "I'm Fat and Nobody Likes Me")

Sunday June 25th, 2023

She can ride my face; I don't want nothing in return. Except for some her time and all her love; that's my concern.

Tyler, The Creator (on "DOGTOOTH")

Friday June 23rd, 2023

Ya, we need some rebels around here if we got stupid laws like that.

Galactic Emperor (voiced by Mason Carter) - one of my favorite characters from Joel Haver's sketches

Wednesday June 21st, 2023


Ethan Klein (as the Penguin)

Tuesday June 20th, 2023

She liked petty crimes; she had green eyes, like Mountain Dew.


Friday June 16th, 2023

I ate some of it, but I wa-y'know - I was fortunate there was an umm... music class for babies happening in my backyard, so there was a lot of like parents and and children and nannies. And so I just brought out the Edible Arrangement, like walked into the backyard and was met with like a big round of applause, and I did a little twirl almost in spite of myself when people had - when I got the pop. And then I just left it and and other people ate most of it.

Sean Clements discussing the best experience anyone has ever had with an Edible Arrangement (from Sandy Hurwitz (w/ Hollywood Handbook!) - The Headgum Podcast - 157)

Monday June 12th, 2023

If OpenAI needs 1,536 dimensions to embed information, I’m going to at least need the 4th dimension.

Me explaining to my cousin I need some more temporal context for her story; also chosen to promote the ask ai vector space

Thursday June 1st, 2023

The world is so smallllll, 'til it ain't. I'm building up a wallllll, 'til it break.

Mac Miller

Monday May 29th, 2023

I'm the illest and it's fo' shizzle. My flow sizzles. Your boy, Hop, go hard like some cold nipples.

Hopsin (off the Ill Mind of Hopsin 4) - one of the best flows out there

Sunday May 28th, 2023

Let me tell you...I don’t know. I literally have no clue how this dumb fucking orb can have so much power. I have worked my whole life researching and gaining knowledge, and this dipshit sphere sleeps all day and has powers that gods fear. And that’s impossible. It should be impossible. There has to be an answer here and I don’t see it and that’s NOT FAIR. If knowledge is power, then power should be knowledge, and Kirby is everything and he should know everything, and yet we know nothing! I can’t think in here. I’m going outside! How do I get outside?

Brian David Gilbert reckoning with the great mysteries of life

Friday May 26th, 2023

They're artists; they've lived in France; they travel; they smoke; they wear turtle necks. And, they play Beach House. And this song comes on and you know you really should be staring out of a train window crying into your reflection on a dark stormy day and then you laugh along with everyone and have some red wine and feel what it's like to be social and uncomfortable and like it.

Me - just a few lines a wrote from my most recent article where I tried to capture the feeling of hearing Space Song for the first time

Wednesday May 24th, 2023

Love. Love, Theodore. Cause there's so much you can do in this life that means nothing. But the one thing that means anything - and I'm sure of it now - is love.

Curious George, on his deathbed (performed by Joel Haver)

Friday May 19th, 2023

This show is so good, and it raises a lot of moral questions. Like, if Data is a robot, does he have a penis?

Mindy Lahiri (from Season 5: Episode 8 "Hot Mess Time Machine", aka the Groundhog Day one)

Monday May 15th, 2023

They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers. But what's the real cost? Cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper? Why are we still paying so much for sneakers when you got them made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?

Just something to think about from Jemaine Clement (of Flight of the Conchords)

Wednesday May 3rd, 2023

Erik from Internet Comment Etiquette

Sunday April 30th, 2023

Yeah Yeah

Childish Gambino

Friday April 28th, 2023

Let difficulty transform you, and it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away. So we stay. And we work. And slowly, we change.

Pema Chödrön

Tuesday April 25th, 2023

Because I loved her! I killed her because I loved her!

Thomas Middleditch

Thursday April 20th, 2023

He said this is it. They want your blood. They all want your blood. They wanna fuck you.

Christian Horner, Red Bull Racing Team Principal, giving Bella Swan dating advice

Saturday April 15th, 2023

I fly like paper; get high like planes. If you catch me at the border, I got visas in my name If you catch me at the border, I got visas in my name. If you come around here, I make 'em all day. I'll get one done in a second if you wait

M.I.A. (You can tell it's a banger when the official video is in 480p and its still good in 2023; also she looks so much like my ex when she straightened plus colored her hair)

Thursday April 13th, 2023

Hello, Foot Locker. You sell shoes in pairs? Cause I'm'a need both.

Amy Poehler

Monday April 10th, 2023

And I'm just in the studio hoping that it SOUNDS RIGHT. Here's a brighter bulb for your LIME LIGHT. And this is your night, homie, SHINE BRIGHT. This for everybody's fucking PROM NIGHT.

Chance the Rapper (and don't worry - it sounds right as hell)

Saturday April 8th, 2023

Exactly rice. I kinda butchered the bitch.

Geoffrey James (from the Headgum Podcast)

Thursday April 6th, 2023

I would like to thank Dr. Pepper, God, my family, Walsh University, and everyone back home in Ohio for all the support; it means the world to me.

Molly Brown

Monday April 3rd, 2023

No, sorry – I-I - right now I cannot talk. I'm too angry, too disappointed, too... phooo ... I – I just cannot - cannot say anything. I prefer to go to the stewards, uh, get the penalty away. Because I don't think I deserve it, and it is the most unfair penalty I’ve seen in my life.

Carlos Sainz

Wednesday March 29th, 2023

Just don't look at them. It was that simple.

Joel Haver explaining one of the conditions for entering heaven

Sunday March 26th, 2023

Welcome to New York City. No - welcome to Dip Set City. And thanks to Cam, I'm Harlem's new anchorman. YES, CHUMP, YOU SHOULD SHAKE MY HAND

Juelz Santana (of Dip Set)

Saturday March 25th, 2023

Take me to church; I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.

please don't destroy

Thursday March 16th, 2023

Cuz, we live life to the fullest. 365 nights on the strike - that's a bullet. Now, Uncle Ricky got a month and some change. And it feels like the garbage truck dumping the pain, all on my shoulders. I'm warning my soldiers: "The night's getting chilly, the morning's much colder."

Jim Jones (of Dipset)

Tuesday March 14th, 2023

What is a photo? Moon mode magic makes the media mad, but many more manipulated megapixels have their merit.

Marques Brownlee (MKBHD)

Tuesday March 7th, 2023

Live to enjoy your successes, not prevent your failures.

Friday March 3rd, 2023

I don't care. None of this fucking matters. I'm just trying to make money.

Geoffrey James (from the Headgum Podcast - Episode 143: Chat-Geoff-PT)

Monday February 27th, 2023

Stop burning my beans!

Reilly Anspaugh's iconic catchphrase

Thursday February 23rd, 2023

And I got that lonely feeling you get when the world hits you with its size.

John Waterfall (from the story "Switchback Jack 1: The Legend of Switchback Jack" from his book, Try Not to Get Discouraged)

Friday February 17th, 2023

Being safe is for mothers and nerds, and last time I checked, I'm have a pussy.

Amir Blumenfeld

Thursday February 16th, 2023

I'm more confident with my holes now.

Emil Rantatulkkila (of Pongfinity)

Wednesday February 15th, 2023

Yea Yea


Tuesday February 14th, 2023

What are your guys's greatest strengths?

Geoffrey James starting the podcast enthusiastically for the first time ever before Amir ruins it

Sunday February 12th, 2023

She isn’t crying; she’s just making conversation

TV Girl (honestly the guy kinda sounds like a dick from the lyrics, but its so damn catchy)

Saturday February 4th, 2023

Fuck you

CeeLo Green

Friday February 3rd, 2023

I'm so god damn tired - can't tell if I'm done or just uninspired.

Eyedea (with DJ Abilities on the beat)

Thursday February 2nd, 2023

U wot m8?

My date last night in London. I had never heard someone say it unironically before

Wednesday February 1st, 2023

I'm something so immaculate / Instead of asking what's happening rather blasting Jackson 5 in back of an Acura / acting blacker than a Bernie Mac, two Charlie Murphys, and AKON / The girls that you brought, where are they FROM? / Where are they FROM? / We were playing PlayStaTION / Why you standing there? Say SOME' / Girl , say SOME' / No, this ain't a vacaTION / This is my house, my house

Childish Gambino

Thursday January 26th, 2023

I fucking - I fucking love crisps so fucking much.

Mark Samual Bonanno from Aunty Donna

Monday January 23rd, 2023

You call it running; I call it escaping

J. Cole (this is my favorite lyric, but the whole scale he sings here is addictive)

Sunday January 22nd, 2023

I feel myself on my Mac / No Dre; I'm feeling myself / Big baller holding the dubs cause I'm not catching no L's

Caleon Fox

Wednesday January 18th, 2023


Nigel Braun (of Nile Red)

Monday January 16th, 2023

Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya. - bad to the bone

Lil Uzi Vert

Thursday January 12th, 2023

This is all God's doing, man; you can't plan it / But if the devil's in the details, then I'm satanic

Drake (but it's really the producer, Knxwledge, that makes this remix a certified banger)

Wednesday January 11th, 2023

As I always like to say, I think the city is the fifth character. Hmmm

Saturday January 7th, 2023

Boy you kidding? I got rhythm like a rocking chair. The way I spit it - it is sick; now get the doc in here

Meek Mill (typing it out puts it to shame tbh - watch the video from the beginning )

Friday January 6th, 2023

Ooohh, dammit. You anticipate my every move, you know that? You must be really good at checkers.

Tim Meadows, looking dashing (I'm not gay), on the Shirtless Bible Salesmen

Sunday January 1st, 2023

Martin and I have been talking, and - we're not going to play for the L.A. Lakers.

Ben Marshall mercilessly dashing the hopes and dreams of his childhood best friend

Thursday December 29th, 2022

Tim and Eric's a caSH GRAB

Tim Robinson

Thursday December 15th, 2022

I think I might need to change my entire personality.

Hannah Einbinder (as Ava in Hacks)

Sunday December 11th, 2022

Yo let me get you these toilets now.

Drake (impersonated by Amir Blumenfeld)

Thursday December 8th, 2022

Hey everybody; I'm the new kid. My name's Brian. I like to skateboard. I heard your last student pooped his pants. What an idiot!

Grammy, Golden Globe, and Emmy winner, Donald Glover in the role of the lifetime as Jerry

Saturday December 3rd, 2022

Tell 'em Shirt, motherfuckerrrrrrr.r.r.rr...r.r.r.r


Thursday December 1st, 2022

You know that for every minute you spend in America, in Paris, it passes 3 minutes longer to the second? Ya.

Kate Berlant

Wednesday November 30th, 2022

I'm on the grizzy, I wait for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday to Saturday; the cops come, I'm thataway.

Meek Mill explaining the days of the week

Monday November 21st, 2022

Oh it's fall now and it's cold. Went to the mountains and forgot my coat. I feel stupid in my shorts.

It Looks Sad

Sunday November 20th, 2022


Saturday November 19th, 2022

Oh, it's fall now and it's cold. Went to the mountains and forgot my coat.

Friday November 18th, 2022

I feel unhappy. I feel so sad. I have lost the best friend that I ever had. She was my woman. I love her soul. But it's too late now. I let her go. - I'm going through changes.

Charles Bradley (popularized as the theme song to the Netflix show Big Mouth about kids jacking off)

Thursday November 17th, 2022

I'm going through changes

Charles Bradley

Friday November 11th, 2022

Started smoking again. Guess I missed coughing my lungs up every morning.

Sorority Noise

Monday November 7th, 2022

There is always a butt, and for Liverpool, it is a big butt.

Premiere League

Friday November 4th, 2022

Guys, stop it! Okay? It is what is. Let's just drive home and stop at that really good ceviche place in Water Mill and just get taken in for questioning already.

Elliott Goss (played by John Early in Search Party Season 3 Episode 3)

Thursday November 3rd, 2022

This is for the lake that me and my friends swim in, naked and dumb on a drunken night. It should have felt good, but I could hear the Jaws theme song on repeat in the back of my mind.

The Front Bottoms

Monday October 31st, 2022

About a month ago, I was lying to the world about having Stage IV cancer. And now, I stand before you outed... and victorious. But it's not just my benchmark. This is for that little kid in West Virginia who changes his name simply because he feels compelled to. And that mom in Dallas who says she has 3 sisters, but really, she just doesn’t. Let’s give a voice to the many complicated liars out there. Who’s with me?

Elliott Goss (played by John Early in Search Party)

Saturday October 29th, 2022

I heard motherfuckers saying they made Hov. Made Hov say "Oh! Queso! Make another Hov"


Friday October 28th, 2022

Couple summers later, I got paper. I acquired taste for salmon on a bagel with the capers on a square plate

Shelley (Big Baby D.R.A.M at time of recording)

Monday October 24th, 2022

I am single. I'm saying why would I want to not be single unless it was to basically climb up the ladder. Like I want to rub ebbles, elbows with like, um...

Geoffrey James (from the Headgum Podcast)

Sunday October 23rd, 2022

Creativity isn't isolated to any one discipline alone. I mean look at Nick Jonas; he's a Jonas Brother, but he's also Nick Freakin' Jonas.

Don Oregon (played by Scott Swayze)

Saturday October 22nd, 2022

Ya bish

Kendrick Lamar

Friday October 21st, 2022

Smoking on top 5s / Motherfuck that album, fuck that single / Burn that hard drive

Kendrick Lamar

Monday October 17th, 2022

I'm one surgery away... from perfection.

Justin Roiland (as a fishman that's kind of like Gremlins and Short Circuit)

Sunday October 16th, 2022

And also I'm holding this cause it's a mistake. I didn't get two milkshakes on purpose!

Drew Gardner (played by John Paul Reynolds)

Thursday October 13th, 2022

Ruud van Nistelrooy! - doesn't miss... van Nistelrooy! - he can do no wrong

A Premiere League Commentator that I'll put down in the comments if I get to it

Tuesday October 11th, 2022

Hast du etwas Zeit für mich? / Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich / Von 99 Luftballons / Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont


Sunday October 9th, 2022

You in the freezer, pussy, like an Ellio's Pizza. You don't like me? I don't like you NEITHER

Meek Mill

Wednesday October 5th, 2022

You mean dookie poo no duh? I fre-hahah I really don't like dookie. I don't like dookie very much.

Jake Hurwitz, Comedy Skit Actor, on Yuki Tsunoda, Formula 1 Driver

Tuesday October 4th, 2022

I miss tank synergy

Saturday October 1st, 2022

It's probably been 12 years since my father left / Left me fatherless / And I just used to say 'I hate him' in dishonest jest / When honestly, I miss this nigga, like when I was six / And every time I got the chance to say it, I would swallow it / Sixteen, I'm hollow, intolerant, skip shots - I storm that whole bottle - I'll show you a role model / I'm drunk, pissy, pissing on somebody front lawn / Trying to figure out how and when the fuck I missed moderate

Earl Sweatshirt

Friday September 30th, 2022

A tornado flew around my room before you came / Excuse the mess it made, it usually doesn't rain In Southern California, much like Arizona / My eyes don't shed tears, but boy they ball

Frank Ocean

Tuesday September 27th, 2022

Okay, it's Childish Gambino; homegirl drop it like the Nasdaq

Childish Gambino (it says it like right there)

Friday September 23rd, 2022

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Oprah Winfrey

Thursday September 22nd, 2022

Love is taking a dive then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool

Bo Burnham

Friday September 16th, 2022

When the floodwater comes, it ain't gonna be clear; it's gonna look like mud / but I will help you swim

Brian Sella (of The Front Bottoms)

Wednesday September 14th, 2022

Popping a bottle of Claritin (Woah)

Kendrick Lamar

Thursday September 8th, 2022

You're not going to heaven / Why the fuck would you think I'd ever kick it with you? / None of you are going to heaven / There's a trillion aliens cooler than you

God (Through the prophet/heathen Bo Burnham)

Sunday September 4th, 2022

No, but fine.

Future EGOT Winner, Finn Wolfhard

Thursday September 1st, 2022

my cart full of sin / when I shop, it's a spree

Earl Sweatshirt (on The Alchemist's E. Coli)

Tuesday August 30th, 2022

Amir got a Bachelors of Fine Aristocracy. After he marries his wealthy suitor he'll be the bell of the ball.

Trae Vids commenting on the renowned debutant, Amir Blumenfeld

Sunday August 28th, 2022

We had a megastart, but ya. This guy only knows how to drive starting first.

Fernando Alonso, commenting on 7-time World Champion Lewis Hamilton

Saturday August 27th, 2022

Hoooo that don't make sense, but it's funny.

White Claw Gabe

Sunday August 21st, 2022

Words don't have to mean anything to be interesting

Tuesday August 16th, 2022

But you know both of them now with the same materials the same uhh car underneath them and it'll be interesting to see how they go. But remember

Rosanna Tennant

Sunday August 14th, 2022

I gave a company cheese and they called me a goat for it / Hopped over borders he travelled the waters / I really ain’t got me a boat for it, just float for it / I wanted the fame and the fabulous things / just don’t wanna dick in my throat for it / You think I’m really a rockstar, like living a movie / Bitch I live inside of a condo I never been cool G

Abhi The Nomad

Friday August 12th, 2022

Sexual partners of mine are appalled by my balls.

Geoffrey James (from the Headgum Podcast)

Wednesday August 10th, 2022

They've got their finger on the pulse. You know what I mean?

Olivia Lopes (from the H3 podcast)

Saturday August 6th, 2022

I love groceries.

Zachary Ruane, acting through his teeth

Thursday August 4th, 2022

Going to the gym, working out, and taking a relaxing shower is such a nice set of activities.

Saturday July 30th, 2022

Staycation! And - you're right... why'd you say that stuff, man?

Amir Blumenfeld

Wednesday July 27th, 2022

And you know what? Astronauts think they're so fucking cool. Guess what - they used to be, but now astronauts are the lamest shit in the fucking world. Thanks Bezos, you dork. You ruined - how did you ruin astronauts, bro?

James Pumphrey (from Donut Media)

Wednesday July 27th, 2022

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Monday July 25th, 2022

Take a gander over there

Goose thief

Sunday July 24th, 2022

Nothing good happens after 2AM

How I Met Your Mother

Saturday July 23rd, 2022

No assignments. Book of rhyming, and I'm drawing doodles. I should rhyme "rhyme" with ramen noodles.

Chance the Rapper

Friday July 22nd, 2022

It's lights out and away we go

Thursday July 21st, 2022

Hasta la vista, baby

Boris Johnson, after making the world an objectively worse place

Wednesday July 20th, 2022


its ya boi

Monday July 18th, 2022

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

Someone with a poor understanding of astronomy

Monday July 18th, 2022

Yo you want to come to my car and suck my cock?

Ethan Klein

Sunday July 17th, 2022

It's a big world I'm just coolin' Make the money, do a backflip

6 Dogs

Friday July 15th, 2022

Brownie's gotta do what a brownie's gotta do, and guess what. This brownies, she's gotta do.

Amir Blumenfeld

Friday July 15th, 2022

Capitalists, could you just like stop already?

Grouchy Marx

Thursday July 14th, 2022


Oscar Wilde

Wednesday July 13th, 2022

The Rolling Stones Rock!

Sisyphus, probably

Tuesday July 12th, 2022

Just keep swimming; just keep swimming; just keep swimming swimming swimming

Dory from Finding Nemo
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