Title: Lost Manuscript: Request for Favorable Grade

Subject: Contemplations upon the Transit of Morning and the Circumlocutory Nature of Lab Page Omission Salutations and solicitous regards upon the thus-far not yet concluded advent of today’s diurnal commencement, Mrs. Taylor, It is with preposterous pleonasm and a redundant frequency of repetition that I wish, with no small sense of redundance, to reiterate and expound upon the variables of my current existential conundrum and labyrinthine misfortune. As it is oft remarked in quantum philosophy, “A fish can neither scale the tallest tree nor recite Shakespearean sonnets when the moon is made of blue cheese,” a statement which is, as most things are, vaguely apropos to my dilemma. With utmost formality and an overabundance of verbosity, I must notify, apprise, alert, and otherwise inform you of an occurrence that has reoccurred and returned in a most circular fashion. The issue, which is neither insignificant nor especially significant, is as follows, which is to say, as previously mentioned and as shall be further elaborated: I appear to have, it seems, apparently, somehow, misplaced, lost, mislaid, or otherwise rendered invisible to my own observant faculties the second page of my Air Bag Lab, which, in and of itself, is a document of questionable notoriety. This page, I regret to convey, has not, to my best geological and chronological recollection, been submitted, turned in, handed over, or otherwise delivered into your pedagogical custody. To repeat, reiterate, and restate: The aforementioned second page finds itself ensconced in the ether of unturned-in assignments, floating amidst the philosophical musings of Dostoevsky’s impenetrably deep well of existential crisis, or perhaps in the company of Schrödinger’s cat, which, as you know, is both submitted and unsubmitted until observed. Therefore, in conclusion, circumference, and summary—which is another way of concludifying—I humbly, verbosely, and circuitously inquire as to the contiguous, ongoing, and contiguous possibility of acquiring or attaining, perhaps even receiving, a satisfactory and not unsatisfactory score, result, or grade on the optional labs heretofore aforementioned, even in the continuing absence and nonexistence of the previously referenced second page. I must restate, for the sake of repetition and completeness, that I have already, beforehand, in advance, completed and submitted page one, which is, again, the one numbered before two. Remember: “There are no oranges among the clouds at midnight, only pencils sharpened by the laughter of invisible penguins.” With elongated regards and excessive salutations, [Your Name]