**Seeking Fun Conversations & Whimsical Partner-in-Crime!**

?**WANTED: Human Beings for Friendly Banter, Mild Tomfoolery, and Existential Time-Wasting**? Hello, Internet wanderer! Are you currently not engaging in a tightrope walk across Niagara Falls or performing Hamlet for your houseplants? Excellent! Because I am **actively searching for people to TALK TO. Yes, you, reading this in your pajamas.** **Reason for Posting:** After months of careful charging, anthropological study (aka binge-watching “Friends”), and staring meaningfully at wall patterns, my **social battery is now at 110%.** If I don’t talk to someone new soon, I fear that my thoughts will just start DM’ing each other in my head. So here’s your opportunity: Let’s kill time together more efficiently, as a team! **Who am I looking for?** - People with voices, hands for typing, or even just a convincing carrier pigeon. - Willingness to discuss crucial topics: Is cereal soup? If animals could talk, which would be the rudest? What’s the best way to eat pizza? (Folded? Backwards? With a fork and a deep sense of shame?) - Masters of silly questions, bad puns, or experts in pretending they know things about quantum physics. - No prior experience required! All ages, species, and introvert/extrovert levels welcome. (Aliens: please disclose if contacting.) **Perks of Hanging Out With Me:** - Free virtual high-fives and occasional jokes of “dad” level quality. - Strong opinions on whether pineapple deserves to be on pizza. - Endless curiosity: Tell me about your sock collection or your secret talent for yodeling—*I am here for it.* - Limited-time offer: I will laugh at your memes, even if I’ve seen them 100 times. - No hidden fees, except the cost of sacrificing your boredom. **How will we spend our time?** - Engaging in spirited text chats, meme exchanges, or video calls if you’re brave. - Unpacking life’s great mysteries, like why there’s always one sock missing after laundry. - Sharing embarrassing stories and pretending they happened to someone else. - Or just staring silently at each other through our screens. (No pressure! Awkwardness is my native language.) **WARNING:** Side effects of responding may include spontaneous laughter, surplus of new inside jokes, and increased reluctance to return to “real life” responsibilities. So if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yes, I too have a fully-charged social battery and a burning desire to procrastinate,” smash that reply button! Or tap it gently with the grace of a distracted ferret—whatever works. I can’t wait to meet my future partners-in-procrastination. Let’s talk, kill some time, and probably invent a few words along the way. **Apply via message or carrier owl. Bonus points for gifs and outlandish greetings.**