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Question: Write long and funny ad in which I am looking for people to talk to and kill time with. Write that my social battery is charged and I would like to meet someone new.
? SOCIAL BATTERY AT 100%! SEEKING FRIENDLY HUMANS TO HELP ME DRAIN IT ? That’s right folks, you heard it here first! After months of relentless solo scrolling, heated conversations with my cat, and debating the philosophical implications of pineapple on pizza (with myself), I have an amazing, never-before-seen EXCESS OF SOCIAL ENERGY. The introvert hibernation season has ended, and I am THIRSTY for human interaction. Will you answer the call? WHO AM I LOOKING FOR? Anyone with a functional WiFi connection, a sense of humor (if yours is in the shop, I have a few spares), and an open mind. Bonus points if you possess niche interests like: ranking potato chip flavors, analyzing dream symbolism, or impersonating your least favorite politician for sport. If you know where the “any” key is on your keyboard, we might be soulmates. ???????? ?? ??????? ?? ??: - Award-winning listener (no literal trophies, just excellent nodding and "uh-huh" skills) - Full library of corny jokes—unlimited, all-you-can-cringe buffet - Surprising knowledge of useless trivia (ask me about wombat poop shapes. I dare you) - Ability to debate serious topics like “Is cereal soup?” - Will laugh at your puns, even when the rest of the world judges you ???? ?? ??? ?? ????????: - Talk about life, the universe, and why laundry takes so long to fold - Play “Would You Rather” until we transcend to a higher plane of hypothetical living - Share pet pictures (my cat is already preening for his close-up) - Try to solve riddles or discover new conspiracy theories about why socks disappear REQUIREMENTS: - Must be alive (exceptions considered for fun ghosts) - English speaker or skilled charades player - Must have at least 1 hour to lose to the endless vortex of conversation (interventions available upon request) Are you bored? Am I bored? Should we be making questionable decisions in random conversation instead of doomscrolling alone tonight? PROBABLY. So if you, too, are looking for someone to chat, giggle, and whittle away the hours with (in a very non-creepy, non-time-travel way), reply now! Operators are standing by (it’s just me, but I am sitting BY my phone and ready). LET’S DRAIN THIS SOCIAL BATTERY TOGETHER ?⚡ *p.s. If you’re part of a secret society of talkers, tell them I’ve got snacks*
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